So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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