when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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