A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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