Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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