I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
