I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
