that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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