what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
