Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
