I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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