fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
