she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
