i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
