I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
