just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
