if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
