there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
