new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
