As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
