The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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