FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
