I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
