Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this beer tastes like vomit already
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
