Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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