You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
