I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
