Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
