I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
