pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
