After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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