yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
