I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
