This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
