New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
