I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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