our cab driver is having phone sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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