it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
