YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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