Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
