Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
