She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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