the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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