I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
