dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
