My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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