Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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