A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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