I just threw up on my dentist
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
