YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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