i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
