I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How external is "for external use only"?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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