One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there's paper in my vomit.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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