The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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