I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
