im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I die, sorry about rent.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
